Part of The Underway Gourmet by Suzy O'Keefe
(Titled "Misplaces Envy" for publication In Latitude 38, March 1997)
Once upon a time there was a 95' motor yacht named "The B F B" (that stands for Big *1#%X@! Boat). The owner, Mr. Wartz, hired me in San Diego as Cook/Stewardess/Deckhand/General Flunky. I joined 2 other crew members: Cap'n Tink and First Mate, Huge G. Ego.
Cap'n Tink really knew his stuff. Electronics had been his business before he got his captain's license and, in fact, he had sold the entire electronics package to the owner before leaving that business to join the boat. Mr. Ego had some sort of connection with the yacht builder and spent most of his time bragging about other big boats on which he'd crewed. During the remainder of his on-duty time, he wielded a waterhose and pretended to be busy washing the boat.
Me? I vacuumed, turned down & made up the owners bed, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, scrubbed toilets, and ironed the owner's shorts. Yeah, you heard me - I IRONED HIS SHORTS! I had no free time as I was basically on 24 hour call and not allowed to leave the boat at any time without permission. If this wasn't bad enough, I had to share crew's quarters with Mr. Ego.
You would think that aboard a $5 million yacht, the crew accommodations would be MORE than adequate... but not so! Our quarters had only a deck entrance off the swim platform and the cabin was just 5' X 7' including the bunk beds and wash basin. It wasn't even possible to open the cabin door all the way. The cabin shared one wall with the engine room so that wall reached temperatures of well over 100° whenever the engine was running. This was of course all the time! An air conditioner vent blew 55° air from the opposite wall in an attempt to cool the quarters. Somewhere about mid-room it was comfortable, but my head sweated while my feet froze. The quarters only opening port DIDN'T more than a few inches because of poor planning. It was supposed to be an emergency escape hatch... FAT CHANCE, even for me. There was an emergence exit from the engine room, but that just didn't seem appropriate either.
Just one more piece of information about the crew's quarters before I move on - the head. It was designed in such a way that the entrance to the quarters went THRU the head. Therefor, it was not possible to get in or out if the head was in use.
So why did Mr. Wartz have his boat built this way? Could it be that he's cheap? Maybe. He'll spend astronomical sums of money to make himself and his boat look good or play oneupmanship. Rumor has it that the obnoxiously loud set of custom made horns cost $40,000 yet he believes his 3 crew members should survive on a food budget of $139 per week (while the boat is in port and he is away) without eating a crumb of any stores already on board. He insisted on a complete inventory before leaving. Could it be that Mr. Wartz has no concept of human dignity or the need for privacy? Probably, since he has had servants all his life. Could it be that Mr. Wartz doesn't have a clue??? Yes!
I knew that I didn't belong there, but I needed to make some money and I thought I could endure for a while. I left the boat in Mexico after completing the passage to Puerto Vallarta and couldn't have been happier to get away.
You can bet that Cap't Tink won't stay around any longer than he has to. As for Mr. Ego, he will probably stay. He and Mr. Wartz are enough alike that they deserve each other.
Derrie Aire
Latitude 38's editorial comment:
Being the captain of a large powerboat is one thing, but almost anything less is among the more humiliating jobs we've witnessed. Surely it would be better to be the skipper of one's own Cal 20 and at least retain one's dignity and freedom.
Some will probably wonder what's the difference between being crew aboard a large powerboat and a large sailboat. We'll tell you. Everybody can participate and derive great satisfaction from a challenging and exciting sail, but what's the challenge and where's the satisfaction to be gotten from plodding along to the drone of huge diesels? There's also the matter of having to serve those who think plodding along to the drone of huge diesels is something worth spending millions on.
| Copyright © 1998 | Suzy O'Keefe |